Prenuptial Agreements: Talking to Your Spouse

How do I ask my fiancé for a prenup?

Deciding you want a prenup can be difficult.  The next step – talking to your partner about wanting one – can be even harder.  How do you approach the person you love and plan to spend your life with and say, “Just in case this doesn’t work out…”?

What A Prenup Means

First, rethink why a prenup is important.  Don’t think about it as something to only protect you – think of it as something to protect both of you.  You will both invest money and time into your relationship over the years.  How will you ensure that the breakdown of that relationship reflects the love that exists now?  A prenuptial agreement allows two people who love and respect each other to protect each other from the anger, sadness and fear that often comes with and drives decisions during a separation.

Start With Your Values

Second, start the conversation with your spouse with a discussion about your values.  What is important to each of you financially?  Do you want to ensure you are each taken care of in the future, no matter what happens?  Are you entering into a second marriage, and want to ensure your children are provided for?  Do you want someone who is going to stay home and raise children or care for parents to have financial security?

Consider opening the conversation with another related issue.  Talking about financial planning, budgeting, making your Wills or purchasing your first home will put you in a mental space to discuss other legal and financial issues.

Build Your Relationship

Third, take this opportunity to build your relationship.  The process of writing a prenuptial agreement involves many shared conversations and disclosure about financial issues that you might not have discussed before.  This is an opportunity to share your finances and values, to learn to communicate, and to build a solid foundation for your future together.

Overall, emphasize that you trust your partner.  Come to the conversation from a place of mutual love, respect, and shared values.  Remember that a prenup agreement does not mean you want to get divorced, or think you will someday, any more than car insurance means you think you will get in an accident.  It means that you each want to come to an agreement about what will happen in the future, and that you have planned for the worst when you are both at your best.

Learn more about why you may want a prenuptial agreement: